i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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