Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
