guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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