Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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