BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
