apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
