Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
