im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
