woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
