Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
