Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I touched a dick in church today
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