I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize