I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
