i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
