I need help removing her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
