Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
