you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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