She said her name was "party"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
