I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
