Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
