it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i think i have two assholes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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