He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
