Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
