Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
