I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
