went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
