talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I can tuck mytits in my pants
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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