new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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