Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
