Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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