Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
