i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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