I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
