So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
