You're so nebulous sometimes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
