OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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