If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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