What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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