Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
