In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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