The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
