I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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