i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
