I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
