Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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