Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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