Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
please don't ironically join a cult
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