I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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