i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
