At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do vagina's smell?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
