Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
