last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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