Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
two words...techno handjob
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
