Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
