I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
