we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
