i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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