I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
