May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
