Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
