she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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