for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
