Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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