she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
