"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
