he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
