I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
