My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
