he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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