So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
