Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
