nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
