I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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