Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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