my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
