Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
