The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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