There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
